On Saturday I had my family over for a casual get together. By family I mean - my dad, sisters etc. It was a nice time, we laughed and shared with one another. However, I was struck by an occurence that has given me food for thought and quite honestly left me a little sad. As we were talking about different things I mentioned Clint and referenced something he had said or experienced. Everybody acted as if I hadn't spoken. Is it taboo to speak of someone who is no longer here? I was married to him for a long time and just because he died does not mean my memories of him are gone. While I am making progress in my grief process and moving forward I do still think of him and the memories don't cease just because he is no longer here. But now that a year has passed it seems generally as if people don't want me to talk about him or to mention that I am feeling sad. To set the record straight - I do not talk about him all the time but if I am missing him - I say so. I would like the freedom to enjoy and share the memories I have.
So, I post a couple of questions - Is it taboo to talk about your deceased spouse? Should my memories be relegated to just being written in a journal?
This journey is not easy but each holiday, event or really just the passage of time allows me to know myself a little better and to seek opportunities to grow. It is ironic that at times I feel more weepy now than I did last summer....I believe it is because the shock of his sudden death has worn off and the reality of living a life without him has set in. I am leaving survival mode and am in the construction/rebuilding phase. The road continues to be uneven but by the grace of God I am making it and will travel the path that lies before me. I know He has a plan for me.
