Letter to heaven....

Today you would have been 58.  How I would have teased you about being "ALMOST 60".  I have been thinking about you a lot lately and thinking about how much life has changed since you died.  We were not ready for that and it has taken a long time to heal from losing you.  The girls are doing well and you would be so proud of the amazing young women they have become.  Isabelle is 6 now and is absolutely the sunshine in my world.  It still saddens me that you only got to be grandpa for 6 weeks.  I know she would delight you as much as she delights me.  You would be totally wrapped around her little finger.  :)

I am doing okay though I am lonely.  Wishing life could have been different but it was not to be.  So today I think about you, remember you and the years we had together.  Happy Birthday Clint.

Happy New Year and the Resurrection of this blog

I have recently spent quite a bit of time reflecting on my life; where it is, where I want it to go, the past, the present and the future.  I started this blog after my husband died and I was trying to find my way through grief and figure out who I was.  I have realized that who I am is continuing to evolve.  For so long I had identified myself as a wife but that ended abruptly with Clint's passing.  So while I know my new role - simply as me being me I am still trying to figure out life and who I am evolving to be.  I had decided to abandon this blog and just live but recently and with other life changes that have occurred decided that perhaps for the new year I should resurrect and try my hand at it again.

A lot of things that have happened since I last posted.  Some good, some challenging.  I've had some wonderful experiences and I was able to get a grief ministry started at my Church as well as facilitate a Life Group for people who have experienced a loss and are seeking God's purpose/direction in their lives.  I have always wanted to take my experience and help others.  Other big changes are my dad was ill this past year and has moved in with me; this brings peace of mind that I can keep an eye on him but has also been a major change in my life.  I have to be cognizant of his needs in my role of supportive care giver and this has impacted my choices in what I do, where I go etc.  He is currently reliant upon me for transportation and I know this has been difficult for him since he is independent and I am busy working two jobs.  Hopefully he will resume driving soon and that should help both of us.  I won't go into all that has happened since my last post since I am focused on looking and moving forward.

A new year, another new beginning always brings reflection on where I've been and where I want to go.  This time last year I was making tentative plans to reenter the dating world....it has been so very long since I dated that I really don't know how people meet or how dating works anymore.  That said, I think I am ready to try though with my dad living with me it poses different challenges.  Considering dating is a huge step for me...and really being ready to possibly meet someone.  Clint's death was so difficult for a long time I was closed and still have fear of opening my heart again - I would like to NEVER feel that pain again.  However, I believe I am ready now to test the waters.  If I can only figure out how!

New Year's resolution - I have only one...that is to be happy.  I need to actively seek balance in my life and that will bring peace which should help restore happiness to my stressed and over busy world.  I want to literally stop and smell the flowers, bask in the warmth of the sunshine, gaze upon the beauty of the night sky.  Looking forward to a new year with joy and gratitude.

Wishing all who choose to stop and read my humble musings a lovely new year filled with blessings.

Feel free to comment, just please be kind.  As mama always said "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!"