Update, the struggle is real....

I started this blog after my husband died, and I was searching for who I was as a widow.  I haven't posted on here in a couple of years.  It has been nine years since Clint died.  I miss him still.  Have I moved forward?  Yes.  Am I in a relationship - no.  Does that bother me?  Usually no, I am at peace with where I am, and if I am meant to be with someone else, God will bring that person into my life at the right moment.  But....there are days.  Days like today when I struggle with being alone.  Yes, I have family and friends, but it has been a tough year.  I am weathering the medical bills I incurred from having emergency surgery in March, the unexpected expenses from heating repairs, lawn mower replacement, etc.  but today, what has just "broke" my tough shell is the fact that I am replacing the hoses on my pool and hit a wall of not being physically strong enough to get the new hoses on.  I have done this before, but today, I just can't do it, and I have no one to help me.  Having been sick and then having surgery has left me without what was once my strength.  It is humbling and frustrating to not be able to do what I have done in the past.  So here I am, Memorial Day weekend, looking forward to relaxing in the pool and unable to finish my task of opening because I physically can't.  It is moments like this when I feel overwhelmed that I wish things were different, that there was someone here to lean on, to help me with the tasks at hand, but I remain alone.  I wonder if I should shout out on social media that I need help. I've even considered hiring a handyman to help - isn't that ridiculous for something so simple??  However, what am I to do?  I feel at times, forgotten, and passed over like I no longer exist.  Invisible.  Especially on days like today.  Time to stop feeling sorry for myself.  I'll try again tomorrow when my hands and muscles don't hurt from trying.  There's a silver lining to every cloud - right?